Coping with a Later-Life Crisis (2023)

If current life expectancy is 78.7 years and adulthood begins at age 18, your midlife crisis should hit around age 48. But the definition of midlife crisis, as first coined in 1965 by psychologist Elliott Jaques, was a bit vague on the specifics. He didn’t specify an age or give any concrete symptoms. It is merely described as a time when adults contemplate their mortality and the waning years they have left to enjoy life.

And truthfully, that can hit at any age, says Johns Hopkins geriatric medicine physicianAlicia Arbaje, M.D., M.P.H.

Recognizing the Feelings

If you find yourself spending too much time looking into the rearview mirror of life, you may be experiencing a midlife, or later-life, crisis. You’re not alone: In fact, recent research found that one in three people over the age of 60 will go through this experience. Here are some of the signs—and the psychology behind them.

You’re over age 50.

For many people, the mid-40s is the time in life when our future isn’t a scary unknown, our past is something we can laugh about, and our present is filled with marriage, kids, careers, and a general satisfaction in knowing who we are and what we want out of life, says Arbaje. So it’s not surprising that we may feel melancholy beyond our 40s, when the future can once again seem uncertain.

Your family is driving you crazy.

Middle-aged people aren’t inherently more stressed-out than younger folks, but the type of stress is different, says Arbaje. Research shows that only 8 percent of young adults reported no daily stressors, compared with 12 percent of middle-aged adults (ages 40 to 59) and 19 percent of older people (ages 60 to 74). But the midlifers were more likely to experience conflicts involving children—so getting older can bring more relationship stress with friends and family.

You feel lost and lonely.

When researchers from another institution examined the factors that contribute to psychological well-being, they found that some are genetic, but some are based on having a sense of purpose and a good social network. As we head into retirement and bid adieu to careers, if we’re not careful to stay active in other ways, we risk losing our social networks and sense of self-worth, says Arbaje.

You’ve experienced a recent loss.

Research has found that another key trigger of later-life crisis is loss, especially bereavement. Loss of someone close can bring you face-to-face with your own mortality, bringing you down if those feelings aren’t confronted and resolved in a healthy way, says Arbaje.

Moving Beyond the Crisis

So what can you do to deal with these feelings healthfully? “To start, I would recommend you stop thinking of it a crisis,” says Arbaje. “It sets you up for the idea that this is inevitable, instead of thinking about it as an opportunity for growth.” Instead:

Reframe what it means to get older.

Instead of lamenting what you never did, or what you’ve lost, Arbaje suggests thinking about this time as a chance to take on new challenges and embrace life in a new way. For example, if you’re approaching or in retirement, you may have more time and freedom to pursue volunteering or travel.

Share your feelings.

Find a friend you can confide in—one who will let you answer the question "How are you?" honestly. You might find that your friend is experiencing (or has gone through) similar feelings and can share coping strategies. Research shows that writing (in a journal or a blog) is another healthy way of letting out feelings, and that can help minimize the chances of becoming depressed.

Enjoy movement.

Regular physical exercise boosts both your energy and your mood, and it reinforces your power to take charge of your own health and well-being.

FAQs

How do you deal with a late life crisis? ›

Re-engage in your life instead of looking at it like you're just going to disengage and feel bad. I think a lot of it is mental strength and changing perspective,” she says. “You could still feel a sense of purpose. It just doesn't have to be the dream that you once had when you were 25.”

What age do people go through late life crisis? ›

You're over age 50.

For many people, the mid-40s is the time in life when our future isn't a scary unknown, our past is something we can laugh about, and our present is filled with marriage, kids, careers, and a general satisfaction in knowing who we are and what we want out of life, says Arbaje.

What are signs of a midlife crisis? ›

Signs that you may be experiencing a midlife crisis include greater feelings of anxiety or depression, feelings of boredom or disinterest toward objects or activities that were once enjoyable, withdrawing from social situations, increased feelings of nostalgia, ruminating over past experiences and spending money ...

How do you get out of a midlife slump? ›

10 Tips to Turn a Midlife Crisis into a Fresh Re(start)
  1. Focus on yourself.
  2. Keep track of changes.
  3. Learn something new.
  4. Reconnect.
  5. Make time for your love life.
  6. Stay active.
  7. Add healthy habits.
  8. Spend time outdoors.
Oct 14, 2021

What are the regrets of midlife crisis? ›

The regret of most individuals experiencing midlife crises has a lot to do with the disappointment that they did not live a good or full life. They feel they were untrue to themselves and lived a life based on the approval of others. Do not focus on what-ifs. This will only bring confusion and self-doubt.

What wife regrets in midlife crisis divorce? ›

Common midlife crisis divorce regrets include: Regretting hurting loved ones. Regretting allowing emotions to guide impulsive decisions. Regretting wanting everything in life to change.

What is a midlife mental breakdown? ›

Symptoms of a midlife crisis can include:

comparing your life to that of others or some ideal you feel you've missed. nostalgia for the past. doing things more common in younger people. making impulsive decisions or rash ones, like overspending, a breakup, or affair.

Is midlife crisis a mental breakdown? ›

"When crisis point is reached they go through a profound psychological breakdown, often accompanied by symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression." Yuko Nippoda, psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP), adds that lack of energy and stamina can trigger a midlife crisis.

What happens to the brain during a midlife crisis? ›

But as we hit midlife, our BDNF levels have peaked and started to drop. And as Leuthardt points out, “reduced plasticity is associated with depression. So there's this perfect storm: Just when you've reached all your initial life goals and you're trying to figure out your next phase, your brain stops cooperating.”

Do they come back after midlife crisis? ›

Yes, sometimes people who leave in the throes of a midlife crisis do come back. Sometimes, their partner no longer wants them. But rather than concentrate your energy on your husband's behavior and choices, I hope you will take a long look at your own life. Deal with your grief and the profound loss and change.

What are the most common midlife crisis? ›

Below are common symptoms of a midlife crisis in men and women:
  • Feeling sad or a lack of confidence, especially after a big milestone accomplishment or birthday.
  • Feeling bored; Loss of meaning or purpose in life.
  • Feeling unfulfilled.
  • Feelings of nostalgia.
  • Excessively thinking about the past.
  • Making impulse actions.

Can midlife crisis change your personality? ›

Individual-level personality change was found over about three years at mid-life. Personality change was associated with changes in self-rated health. Increased agreeableness, conscientiousness, and openness related to better health. Decreased neuroticism predicted better health.

Do marriages survive midlife crisis? ›

A lot of people want to know, can marriages survive the midlife crisis, and the answer is yes. A midlife crisis destroying your marriage is a common fear of many married couples, but there is a way around a lot of these problems.

How do you help someone in midlife crisis? ›

How to help a friend going through a midlife crisis
  1. Recognize the signs of change. One common characteristic of a midlife crisis is a drastic departure from usual behaviour and activities. ...
  2. Don't judge. ...
  3. Be honest. ...
  4. Don't assume a change needs an intervention. ...
  5. Help your friend work toward her goals.
Sep 18, 2012

What is the withdrawal stage of midlife crisis? ›

The Temptation to Withdrawal

In Midlife Crisis, this is the stage when a person begins to separate from family and friends—cutting off a true source of demonstrated love, reassurance, and appreciation. Instead, they become solitary and isolated, refusing (or not even recognizing) the help they most need.

Can you control a midlife crisis? ›

You can take four steps to overcome your midlife crisis: talking to someone you trust, reframing your situation, carrying out a life audit, and setting new goals. If you're managing someone who's showing these signs, try to strike the right balance between being empathic and addressing any negative behavior directly.

How do you find happiness in midlife? ›

How can I be happier in midlife?
  1. Don't get stuck in a rut. ...
  2. Make new friends. ...
  3. Maintain a positive outlook. ...
  4. Look outwards. ...
  5. Try a new exercise regime. ...
  6. See the bigger picture. ...
  7. Look after yourself.

What are the top 5 regrets at the end of life? ›

1) “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” 2) “I wish I hadn't worked so hard.” 3) “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.” 4) “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” 5) “I wish I had let myself be happier” (p.

What are some midlife crisis examples? ›

All images courtesy of Forbes Councils members.
  • You're Apathetic. ...
  • You Dread Getting Out Of Bed. ...
  • You're Debating, But Not Taking Action. ...
  • Your Life Is On Autopilot. ...
  • You've Lost Your Purpose. ...
  • Your Plan Isn't Working Anymore. ...
  • Making Big Changes That Aren't 'You' ...
  • You're Jealous Of Others.
Aug 31, 2017

What is the #1 reason why middle aged adults get divorced? ›

The average length of marriage for these couples was 12.2 years. The median age of the participants was 25.4 years old. The study found that the primary reason for divorce was lack of commitment, closely followed by infidelity and conflict in the family.

Why is GREY divorce? ›

Grey Divorce is the term referring to the rising rate in older adults, typically from long-lasting marriages, getting divorced. The term was coined as research showed the phenomenon of the overall divorce rate going down while the “grey-haired” demographic's rate of late-in-life divorce was on the rise.

Who is usually happier after divorce? ›

A study by Kingston University in the UK found that despite the negative financial impact of divorce on women, they are generally happier than men after divorce.

What does a woman's midlife crisis look like? ›

Similar to longing for previous years of one's life, a woman in a midlife crisis may find herself focusing on her appearance and finding ways to look younger, either through dress or through making physical changes to hairstyle, considering surgical procedures, or simply exploring her attitude toward making cosmetic ...

How do I deal with my wife in midlife crisis? ›

Coping with Your Spouse's Midlife Crisis:
  1. Focus on yourself. If your significant other is going through a midlife crisis, it affects you too. ...
  2. Offer validation. You may disagree with some of your spouse's new choices, but you can try to understand their feelings. ...
  3. Be patient. ...
  4. Have fun. ...
  5. Consider counseling.
Aug 11, 2021

Is a midlife crisis selfish? ›

Midlife crisis symptoms – why it happens

Midlife crisis symptoms can be summed up in a simple word, “selfishness”. The more mom and dad focused on their own needs and showed no sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others, the more you will be the same in your own intimate relationship.

Do midlife crisis affairs last? ›

Roughly 1/3rd of these affairs tend to be short term. A moment of weakness which I use to help two people learn and repair their lives. Another third will be more intense but still, burn out roughly around 7 to 9 months of time. I find that 90% of midlife affairs will fail over two years time.

How serious is a midlife crisis? ›

A midlife crisis is a shift in identity that sometimes affects middle-aged adults between the ages of 40 and 60. 1 At this halfway point in life, people tend to reevaluate their lives and confront their own mortality. For some, this becomes a significant issue that affects their relationships and careers.

What triggers a midlife crisis? ›

Common triggers include job loss, health concerns, a parent's death or illness, children moving out, or even day-to-day overwhelm. The crisis period. This stage typically involves some examination of your doubts, relationships, values, and sense of self.

How long does the average midlife crisis last? ›

The condition may occur from the ages of 40–60. Mid-life crises last about 3–10 years in men and 2–5 years in women. A mid-life crisis could be caused by aging itself, or aging in combination with changes, problems, or regrets over: work or career (or lack thereof)

Do men regret their mid life crisis? ›

Some, however, feel some sort of wistfulness or even regret. Some feel lost, while some think they are missing out in life, and that they could be happier if they make drastic changes. These are the exact sentiments that often trigger a midlife crisis in men, and affairs often follow.

How do I survive my husband's midlife crisis? ›

Tips for Surviving a Husband's Midlife Crisis
  1. Midlife Crises Are Normal. ...
  2. Be Supportive and Open. ...
  3. Set Boundaries. ...
  4. Practice Self-Care. ...
  5. Get Couples Counseling. ...
  6. Work Together. ...
  7. Protect Your Family and Your Livelihood With Help from a New Jersey Family Lawyer.
Nov 5, 2020

Do narcissists have midlife crisis? ›

The narcissist experiences a constant midlife crisis. His reality is always way short of his dreams and aspirations. He suffers a constant Grandiosity Gap - the same Gap that plagues the healthy midlife adult. But the narcissist has one advantage: he is used to being disappointed and disillusioned.

What are the signs of midlife crisis in a husband? ›

There are often six symptoms of a midlife crisis for a man, which may include feeling a need for adventure and change, exhibiting signs of depression, questioning long-held beliefs, expressing anger and blame, and straying from the marriage.

Do men leave their wives during midlife crisis? ›

Not all husbands facing a midlife crisis leave their marriage and home. Some live with and through their midlife crisis with their families as their interactive and affected audience. But for the husbands that do leave during their midlife crisis understanding the reasons why they left is important.

What do most men do during a midlife crisis? ›

Frustration, irritability, and anger are common in a midlife crisis, especially for men, as they tend to express their sadness as anger more often than women. They might target their work, family, themselves, or a combination of the three.

What causes a midlife crisis to end? ›

Resolution. The “crisis,” so to speak, generally ends when you feel more comfortable with yourself and begin to accept, perhaps even welcome, what life has in store.

How long does a mid life crisis last? ›

The condition may occur from the ages of 40–60. Mid-life crises last about 3–10 years in men and 2–5 years in women. A mid-life crisis could be caused by aging itself, or aging in combination with changes, problems, or regrets over: work or career (or lack thereof)

What is considered a life crisis? ›

“Life crisis” is an umbrella term describing a person's psychological response to major life changes or events. The American Psychological Association defines it as a time of distress and major adjustment associated with a significant life experience, like a divorce or the death of a family member.

What is the withdrawal stage of the midlife crisis? ›

The Temptation to Withdrawal

In Midlife Crisis, this is the stage when a person begins to separate from family and friends—cutting off a true source of demonstrated love, reassurance, and appreciation. Instead, they become solitary and isolated, refusing (or not even recognizing) the help they most need.

Can a marriage survive a midlife crisis? ›

A lot of people want to know, can marriages survive the midlife crisis, and the answer is yes. A midlife crisis destroying your marriage is a common fear of many married couples, but there is a way around a lot of these problems.

What happens to your body in a crisis? ›

The brain immediately tells the adrenal glands to produce epinephrine (also called adrenaline). In response to epinephrine, the heart beats faster, breathing becomes more rapid, and blood pressure increases to allow more blood flow to muscles and vital organs.

What are the three stages of a midlife crisis? ›

A midlife crisis can be broken into three stages: the trigger, the crisis and the resolution. The trigger is the event that causes stress, such as job loss.

How can I be happy in midlife? ›

How can I be happier in midlife?
  1. Don't get stuck in a rut. ...
  2. Make new friends. ...
  3. Maintain a positive outlook. ...
  4. Look outwards. ...
  5. Try a new exercise regime. ...
  6. See the bigger picture. ...
  7. Look after yourself.

What is a mid life crisis for a woman? ›

A recent study shows that midlife, the age range that spans between 40 and 65, can be quite tumultuous for women. During this time, women are not only dealing with biological changes, but they're also dealing with work problems, family issues, death, securing finances and reaching personal goals.

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